Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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