Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
