you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Mom said you looked used
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
