i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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