I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
