Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
