she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
