i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
