would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
