we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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