And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
