Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
