you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
