I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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