An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
