The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
