I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
