hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
