The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
