The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
