maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
