He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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