Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
