He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
