Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
