Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
