You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
