so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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