btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
