A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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