it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
