Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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