Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
