drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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