why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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