At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
