At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
