You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
