I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
