whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
