i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
