no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
