Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I want her autograph on my taint
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
