i barfeds in our rink
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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