if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
