I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
