You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
