literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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