So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
