there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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