nut hugger
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
